The Perfect Mother

Motherhood ! A blessed feeling that every woman wants to experience. But once you sign up for this, there is no looking back. There is no way you can quit. This feeling that seems like blessing for every mother often turns into a thankless job. You are constantly judged by firstly, yourself, then by your own children, when they casually say, “Mom, I don’t like you!” and of course, also by anybody and everybody around.

The feeling of motherhood is undoubtedly, the most divine, pure and blessed feeling in this world. I often feel that the power to give birth to a new life makes a women special and privileged one. Right from the time of conception, a woman turns into a mother and feels the presence of a the little life inside her. She willingly forgets all the physical trauma she goes through just by looking at her baby. Her baby is completely dependent on her for all its needs. The feeling a mother gets when a child stops crying instantly as it feels the touch of her mother is so beautiful that it cannot be described in words. Since the first day of the new born baby, the new born mother is equally unsure and anxious with her new profound duty. But the life ahead is going to be anything but easy henceforth, is what she is unaware of.

When I spoke to the earlier generation about this feeling of being an unsure mother, most of them had an opinion that we did the best as per our knowledge and understanding and did not think much. In the absence of social media parenting was relatively simpler. Sometimes we choose social media as the race to outshine one another. This does adds up to the insecurities of a mother. Do you feel that over exposure to media has confused not only the children but also their parents?

We all know that for a working mother parenting is a tough challenge. Managing household chores, office pressures and giving quality time to your children can be very baffling for a mother. In such strenuous situations a mother gets easily labelled as over-ambitious. It is always expected that even if you are working you should be available for home and children whenever called for! In office too, she’s is not considered seriously at times if she prioritizes her family and children. She is expected to strike a perfect balance between work, home and children.

Once my friends daughter was severely unwell. Children in such times demand their mother’s attention more than usual. In spite of that, my friend opted to go to office as there was an important meeting scheduled. After finishing all the household chores, cooking for her daughter and giving her medicines, she still managed to reach for the meeting but was late by 2-4 minutes. Her male chauvinist colleague promptly said, “People expect appreciation, but they cannot even come to important meetings on time!” In spite of dealing with such attitudes on daily basis, I feel very proud that women are now in huge numbers in every corporate field.

A mother willingly sacrifices her career for her child, I too did so. I had no pressure from my family but, it was because I wanted to enjoy my parenting. I was an Editing Personnel for General Entertainment Channels in Mumbai. I use to be in my edit suites for 10-11 hours exclusive of the 45 mins of one way travel time daily. If I deduct my sleep and household chores time, I would hardly get 2-4 hours of family time in a day. This wouldn’t have been sufficient for my child. Hence, I quit my career and gave all my time to my children and too very happily.

However, motherhood is not easy even for a home-maker. It is assumed that there is no need for any support to her as she’s a housewife! Whereas, being at home is no less tough than being a working woman. The father can get away on a Sunday saying, “I had a tough week” but a housewife works round the clock and doesn’t even get the weekends off! As the modern woman is growing independent, there are more and more task for her disposal. Besides household work, managing studies, extra-curricular activities, school projects of children, taking children to different classes, paying for different household bills, up to date laundry, stocked up groceries, and planning and cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner for next day considering choices and well being of all the members of family is certainly not easy. Media portrays image of the goddess as a housewife who can effortlessly and blissfully multitask everything. But is that really true? Media does so because in India they know that it is the woman who acquires most of the groceries and other household essentials. Therefore, they depict that she is a Superwoman a Supermom, one who never commits any mistake. They never realize how taxing it becomes for her to live up to these framed expectations.

Every woman wants to be a “Perfect Mother”. Every mother want her child to receive the best and nothing else. But being a perfect mother is like a mirage, you can see it but cannot achieve it. She tries for what she thinks is best for her child. Most of the time through her reasoning of trying to be a good mother she is successful but sometimes she fails too. Those are the times when everyone points at her mistakes but fail to understand the circumstance. Does the society forget, that a mother is also allowed to make a mistake? Moreover, it can be a mistake but not a crime. We still live in a society where men respect their mother but conveniently forget to respect the mother of their own children.

The “Mother’s Day” weekend has just passed, I request to all the people who have uploaded their mother’s picture on social media sites to take a moment and apologize and thank her for all the efforts that she had put in to up bring you and you pledge to understand not just your mother but all the women who are trying their best to be a better mother everyday. Instead of pointing fingers at her introspect yourself. It is very easy to say, “I cannot understand our children, you make them understand”. But a woman is not born as mother. She is also evolving as a mother just like the father, and upbringing their children is a collective process which involves both the parents.We all depend on family for our emotional and mental well being. Husband is much now more supportive as compared to our previous generations. Mother and children are now friends. Fortunately, the society has moved ahead, but still there is a long way to go!

कडकती धूप में जो बारिश की बुन्दे करती हैं…
वैसा कुछ तुम्हारा असर हैं माँ…
तेज आंधी के बाद जो सुरज की किरणे देती हैं…
वैसी गर्माहट हैं तुम्हारे बाहो में हैं माँ..
जब वक्त ने मुझे कई मुश्किल सबक सिखाये…
तुम्हारे डांट में छुपे प्यार को मैने तब जाना माँ..
आज भी जब मायूसी शूल सी चुभती हैं…
तुम्हारी आवाज सारे दर्द मिटाती हैं माँ…

माँ के दिल को माँ बनकर ही समझ पाई मै…
फिजूल की फिक्र के माईने भी अब समझ पाई मै..
माँ बनकर ही मैने जाना…
कि कितने बार बेरुखी से ठेस पहुंचाई मैने…

उन सब के लिए माफ करके अब गले लागालो मुझे…
वादा तो नही पर कोशिश जरूर करुंगी…
अपेक्षा तो नही पर आस जरूर रखुंगी…
एक सच्ची माँ और अच्छी बेटी बनने की मै पुरी कोशिश करुंगी…

— Meenal

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